With BEA just around the corner, I thought I’d talk about something kind of related to that but more just something that’s been on my mind for a while. While it does have to do with blogging, it isn’t about books so I’d understand if you didn’t want to keep reading.
I’m a very shy person. I can sometimes act like I’m not when I’m online and even at some book events but a lot of the time, I stick to myself. I feel like I miss out on a lot because of this. I sometimes come across as bitchy or stuck up but that’s not how I really am. I don’t know how to interact with people I don’t know. Heck, I don’t even know how to act around people I do know. I’m extremely awkward and I’m always afraid to say the wrong thing. Once you get to know me, I will talk your ear off and you won’t be able to get rid of me fast enough but that takes quite some time.
I’ve also noticed that I sometimes come across the same way online. I use Twitter a lot but I don’t have the same relationships with other Twitter people that I see some of my fellow bloggers have. I wish I was able to form quick bonds and just make online friends like that but it’s never been that easy for me. I get so jealous seeing all these bloggers that are amazing friends with each other because I sometimes feel like I’ll never have that. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met some of my Twitter friends IRL and consider them awesome friends but I still get nervous just messaging them and I wish I knew how to keep in touch with them better.
Here’s where the blogging part really comes in. I worry that if I don’t become more personable on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram, my blog is going to become irrelevant. It seems like everybody these days really wants to know the person behind the blog or the Instagram and let me tell you, there isn’t much to tell about me. I’m not an interesting person. I don’t have a whole lot to show other than lots of books and a crazy puppy. I want to keep up with the times but I don’t know how to go about doing that. I’m a total people pleaser and I want everyone to like me, no matter how impossible that actually is. I feel like so often I’m trying to tailor my blog and Instagram to what other people want, rather than what I want. I don’t want to do that but I understand the need to make things appealing for readers since otherwise there isn’t really a point to me putting all this effort into a blog that no one reads.
And since I started this post mentioning BEA, let’s get back to that. I’m so nervous even though I’ve gone to BEA for the past 5 years! Every year there are new people and as I’ve mentioned, I’m not good with new people. I’ve been trying so hard this year to come out of my shell but I’m still a little afraid for how I’m going to act at BEA. Last year was my first year not going with a group of roommates and my first day was really tough. I almost booked an early flight home because I was so miserable and didn’t know how to change that. Lucky for me, I met some amazing bloggers who adopted me into their group and let me tag along for all their fun stuff. I wouldn’t have made it through without them and I’m happy to say that a bunch of them are actually going to be rooming with me this year which makes me feel at least a little better. I don’t want to just tag along this year though. I want to take charge and meet all the people I want to meet and not be afraid to do it.
Not even kidding, this is me with new people.
So now that I’ve completely rambled on about my awkwardness and total lack of social skills, let’s chat. Do you guys have social anxiety or any quirks that make it hard to meet new people? And actually, I’m kind of okay with the meeting people, it’s getting them to want to stay friends with me that’s the hard part.